


Everything is [NOT] Okay

by Helleria



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe----Tsuna's not involved in the mafia, Attempted Suicide, Basically putting Tsuna in my situation, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort genre? idk, I wrote this instead of trying to fix my life, I'm Sorry, Tsuna is a sad roll, Tsuna studies Literature, University Student Tsuna, but hey, i think, much like the author, this kind of snapped me out of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 02:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17716238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helleria/pseuds/Helleria
Summary: Tsuna's life was going smoothly. He has a dream that he wanted to achieve, he's studying in a university, he has decent grades and friends who actually like him for him. Until, well, it's not like that anymore.





	Everything is [NOT] Okay

Tsuna is a university student studying literature. He dreams of becoming a novel book editor because all he wanted to do was to read. It was the only strong point of Dame-Tsuna, reading. He had surprised everyone when he showed high results for languages and literature in their final exam in middle school and high school.

“Dame-Tsuna reads?!” They’d exclaimed as if the idea was so revolting, they couldn’t really imagine it.

They didn’t know that when he wasn’t failing his academics or running away from bullies, he was in a corner of the library. Where he filled his head with stories and poetry. Of course, no one really cared about poor useless Tsuna except for his mother who was very proud of him. He didn’t hear from his father though, which was fine, he didn’t really need the opinion of someone who’s not there. 

Though anything related to math or science was hard to understand and he found refuge in the written word. He dearly loved reading and writing was also a good side to it. He was not really into writing but he was a decent writer if he’d say so himself. He wanted to help all those budding writers create a masterpiece. He loved the written word, whether written by him or someone else. 

He spent days reading and reading, he barely passed his exams but he got into the university he wanted to study literature in. He lived alone in a small apartment near his university but wasn’t really lonely. He met friends who actually like him for him. It was something he didn’t expect for he grew up without many friends and any friends he might have were people who wanted him to be their lackey. It was refreshing to be with people who match him. He spent four years with these people, going to classes and to places related to their subject. 

His course was something many people think is easy, none of them knew that they’d have to review whole books on literature or poetry or to review their core knowledge about Japanese or English. They were made to review grammar that it was drilled in their heads. One professor for the introduction of creative writing made them write a novella as a requirement to pass. Though despite having language and literature as their main subjects, they were also required to study some math and science he passed with the help of his friends. 

They were set to graduate in a few months and he couldn’t be prouder. Except, he had to move apartments because the one he was at was about to close down. It was not a problem because he found one just beside his university. He only had to walk to get to his class, it was convenient but his new room was dark. His room’s window was blocked by the hulking building of his university so no sunlight really came in. It had a bit of fresh air though, a bit. Tsuna didn’t mind. He was set to graduate anyway and he didn’t want to go through the effort of finding another one plus, they had a free internet there. 

He didn’t really know when it started but he chucked it up to having less sleep because of the academic work and his part-time as an assistant editor at a newspaper company. He started to grow sadder and sadder every day. One time he’s numb and another, he’s really sad for no apparent reason. He found that he often questioned himself, what he really wanted to do with his life. He knew what he wanted but he felt lost. He started losing interest in reading or writing which resulted in him being anxious about his future.  
He didn’t feel good enough to graduate. 

Soon, he missed classes. He missed passing home works or seat works. He missed updating his mother about how he was doing. He missed going to places with his friends. He started deleting his messenger and turning off his phone so no one could contact him while he was alone in his room, wrapped in blankets because the world and his thoughts were so cold. 

He was almost dropped in the first semester because he wasn’t going to classes, his friends were worried about him along with his mother. He really tried but most of the time he was late. He tried to push the demented thoughts away by watching movies or tv series just so he wouldn’t think. 

He started avoiding to eat when he’s feeling that way. He would just watch on his phone and forget to eat or even take a bath. Simple things to take care of himself. When he felt he needed to eat or take a bath, it took a lot out of him to move and actually do it. Everything was just so slow. 

It was a cycle of misery, he tried to get up and when he saw the aftermath of what he did, but then he went back to being like that. It got to the point where in the second semester, one of his professors dropped him. (Though, he knew he could still talk it out with them.) It just spiralled down even more. No amount of talking to his friends could get him up and he didn’t want to talk to them. 

There was absolutely no reason for him to be feeling like this, sure, in the previous years, sometimes he felt like this but he always managed to get up before it affected his work. He has a loving mother, sure his bullied childhood was harsh but his mother loved him. He has friends who truly support and accept him for who he is. 

There is no reason for him to be depressed. 

He only felt shame to be feeling this way. 

He thought that maybe he should just die, but he thought of that so many times. He didn’t really go through it. There was one time that he tried to do it with a kitchen knife against his wrist or that one time he almost stabbed his eye out with a ball pen but he only imagined these things, not really executing it. 

The Tsuna that he knew in the previous years was strong and confident or as strong as someone who was bullied could be. This was not him, it was not Tsunayoshi Sawada.

Oh, he tried, he purchased a calendar, a planner and tried to keep track of the things he needed to do but to no avail. He’d always go back. He figured that maybe it was his apartment that didn’t have a single ray of sunshine in it.

But currently, he’s in Namimori and it’s been a week since he’s been back in Tokyo to continue studying. He felt the same numbness he did in his apartment. It was useless. His mother didn’t mind his presence though, just worried that he was missing his classes.

He thought of going to psychiatrists about this but when he’s about to do that, he starts thinking that it was silly. That he’s not really depressed, it’s only a phase. 

Today is Friday. He was supposed to pass some important essay to two of his professors but he missed his deadline, his phone was in airplane mode and he deleted the online messenger on his phone again. He’s laying down in bed covered in blankets impassively watching an old British TV series called Merlin. Watching TV shows made him feel things, like temporary happiness. 

He curled up even more. He didn’t notice his door was swung gently to reveal his Uncle. 

“I see the uselessness has seeped into your entire being, Dame-Tsuna.” Tsuna turned his dead eyes to his Uncle Reborn who probably came from Italy. He took off his earphones and stared at him. 

“Hi, Uncle.” He said, which surprised Reborn. He expected Tsuna to screech at him for barging in his room or for surprising him. 

Reborn crossed his arms and pointedly looked at him, “Get up. We’re going out.”

Tsuna didn’t question him, his uncle was rather spontaneous. He just nodded and slowly started to stand up to get ready. He’d rather follow his Uncle to where the hell this was than to be subject to a beating.

“Where are we going?” He asked while looking for clothes to wear. He found dark blue jeans and a black jacket. 

“We’re going to a psychiatrist,” Reborn said with a frown and left to go downstairs. 

Tsuna felt like crying.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, there are a few things that I wanted to say before you go. 
> 
> +I'm sorry if there are grammatical errors in any form. If you see any of them please point it out. I don't mind updating this for that. I only assumed about the things they do in Literature, if it's also wrong please point that out too. Thank you. It's been a while since I wrote a fanfiction piece. 
> 
> +This is an alternate universe where the Ninth's son didn't get killed or any of his sons for that matter. So, Tsuna is free to be who he wants to be. Reborn just happened to be integrated in The Sawada Family for one reason or the other as an Uncle not a Tutor. I don't know how that happened, no one knows. Don't ask. lol. 
> 
> +This is based on my own experiences. I've been feeling really down and writing about it calms me down. This sort of snapped me out in a way. I hope you don't mind me sharing this. ...I'm sorry. 
> 
> +I changed my writing style a bit from my previous fanfiction piece. So I'd appreciate any feedback from you. 
> 
> +I've only slightly edited this. I'll come back to it and edit it again. Or I might add more to this. We'll see. 
> 
> Anyway, that's it! Thank you for reading!


End file.
